Protein Shake Reviews

Part of my preparation for surgery has been to try out different protein shakes, which will be my primary nutrition in the week before and a couple of weeks after surgery.  I prefer the ready-to-drink type because it is convenient and they tend to be less clumpy.  Whenever I find a winner, I will share it on this blog in case others might want to try it.  One of my current favorite is the store-brand chocolate "Fitness Protein Shake" sold at Giant supermarkets. It's chocolately, thin and smooth, and has no weird aftertaste.  They cost $5.99 for a 4-pack, which is a great price.  I give it 4 out of 5 stars!

Update- I tried the Ensure High Protein Chocolate shake and it is great- I think it is my new favorite. Very smooth and not chalky. The only downside is the price- $9.99 for a 4-pack at Target (and even more at other stores.) 4 out of 5 stars!

I finally found a non-chocolate shake that I light- Muscle Milk Light in Peach Mango!  Fruit flavor is mild but pleasant, shake is thin and smooth, no aftertaste.  I found it on clearance at Vitamin Shoppe for $1.49.  4 out of 5 stars!

Support Group

Went to my first bariatric support group meeting last night.  I was totally expecting a room full of people sitting in a circle and talking about what struggles they are having.  Nope- this was a totally different thing. Turns out the "support group" is actually just an informational meeting and there is a different guest speaker each month who gives a presentation and then there's a Q & A question.  This month's presenter was a plastic surgeon (Dr. Long's website) who talked about surgical skin removal options after "massive" weight loss.  Here's what I learned:

1. Insurance companies don't care if you have tons of extra skin that looks and feels gross- there's almost no chance they will cover surgery for skin removal unless you are getting very severe infections and rashes that will not respond to other treatments. 
2. Recovery from plastic surgery can be very painful, especially from tummy tucks since it involves tightening the muscles as well as removing skin and fat.  
3. There's no way to predict whether your excess skin following weight loss will be mild or severe and there's basically nothing you can do about it.  It's a mystery combo of genetics, age, degree of obesity, and luck.  
4. Plastic surgery is expensive!  The doc wasn't exactly sure of his rates but it sounded like patients who want to address multiple body parts (like tummy tuck and breast list) pay $20,000+.  Many patients go back for more surgery later on.  There was a short testimonial from a sweet older woman who lost 115 pounds and had her "bat wings" removed and a breast lift, then a year later got a tummy tuck. I must say she looked great.  

I am going to try not to worry about how loose and hangy my skin might get- I've lost a lot of weight before and I didn't have a major problem with excess skin so hopefully I won't this time around either.  

Makes Me Happy List

I've decided that trying to make a list of coping strategies may be overly ambitious and instead and I should start by making a list of activities that make me happy that I can refer to when I need to brighten my mood or distract myself.  Here's what I so far:

1. Discovering new TV shows I can binge watch online.  My new fave is Suits (big thanks to my brother for recommending it!) 
2. Doing Penn Press Logic Problem Puzzles. This is another one of those things I started doing as a kid and have always enjoyed.  
3. Reading novels (most recent fave was Where'd You Go, Bernadette), magazines (Health and More especially) or The New York Times.
4. Taking a hot bath and listening to music.
5. Online mock shopping.  I browse the websites of my favorite stores and put stuff in my online shopping cart (but then don't actually buy them.)  Sounds weird I know but I swear it's almost as fun as actual shopping and I don't feel guilty about spending money on stuff I don't need.

It's a start, right?  Tonight I'll be attending my first weight loss surgery support group meeting and then this Friday I'll be meeting with the pulmonary doc to find out the results of my sleep study. Surgery here I come!

Bummed about thumb

I woke up a few days ago with a weird pain in the base of my thumb.  It got worse all day long and soon I couldn't use my left hand at all without sharp pain shooting up my arm.  I tried wrapping it, I tried heat, I tried ice, I took Tylenol.  I felt sorry for myself because I couldn't take Advil or Aleve (surgeon's orders due to gastritis.)  The pain just got worse. I was in pain and it was frustrating and I felt helpless.  And soon the old pattern thoughts rolled in.  "Poor me! I hurt!  I deserve ice cream." and "Maybe I'll feel better if I treat myself to a hot soft pretzel" and "Are there still leftover jelly beans?  Where did I hide them?" Then I caught myself and I realized something- what if this happened just a few weeks after my surgery and turning to food wasn't an option? Yikes! So I tried some other guilty pleasures to cheer me up.  I downloaded a new song, "Sing" by Ed Sheeran.  I watched The People's Court and Family Feud, favorites of mine from childhood.  My thumb still hurt A LOT but I succeeded in lifting my grumpy mood.  The pain got worse overnight and so I went to urgent care in the morning.  Thanks to a cortisone shot and prescription steroids I am feeling much better- I can even type again for short periods!  How do you cheer yourself up or distract yourself when you're not feeling well?

What's on your coping list?

When I met with the psychiatrist for the mandatory pre-surgery consultation, she recommended that I write a list of alternatives to eating for when I am tempted to eat emotionally and carry the list around with me all of the time.  I have been thinking about what could go on my list but haven't actually written it yet.  It's not a new question for me- I spent many therapy sessions over the years bemoaning the fact that I hadn't been able to find satisfying alternatives to emotional eating.  Exercise? No way- feels like a punishment.  Writing in a journal? Helpful for sorting out my thoughts but not a realistic option on the go and not immediate enough. One therapist suggested that since emotional overeating was a learned behavior from very early on in my life, I needed to find something else that would feel primal and soothing.  I bought a giant stuffed teddy bear and tried hugging it tightly when I wanted to eat but I just felt foolish.  So I guess I am still searching.

Being "Out" About Weight Loss Surgery

I've been reading the bariatric sleeve forums on  www.bariatricpal.com for a few months now and one of the popular discussion topics is whether or not to share with others that you are having or have had weight loss surgery.  I totally get why some people prefer to keep it private.  I'm the opposite though- I have been telling everyone I know.  Part of me worries that if I don't lose weight as quickly as other weight loss surgery patients I will be judged or that people will be watching closely to see what I am (and am not) eating.  I've read cautionary tales, warning me that some people react in hurtful or unhelpful ways often implying that weight loss surgery is the "easy way out."   But I want to be "out" about my surgery- because it feels big and important and I want those around me to be supporting me on the journey.  I also feel like making my surgery public honors the magnitude of my struggle- getting most of your stomach surgically removed is pretty extreme and for me it's a powerful way of owning up to the fact that I can't conquer my weight problem alone.  Some people can and do but I am just not one of them- at least not at this time.  I guess I want people to know that I'm not "obese by choice"- I feel imprisoned by my body in its current state and I want to be liberated from it.  I worry that someone reading this words who is also overweight might think I am saying they are bad or in need of fixing and it's actually the opposite- I really admire people who are at peace with their bodies regardless of size or shape- I've just never been able to get there myself.  I see myself as weak- despite how much I want to lose weight, my lifelong patterns of turning to food for comfort and to overeating are just too strong for me to resist them consistently enough to lose weight.  What I love about the sleeve is that you don't have to rely on willpower alone- your new mini-stomach can't tolerate overeating and so you are forced to learn new ways of coping.  The surgery doesn't take away the longing for food (for most people) but it eliminates a lot of the battle by artificially limiting your food intake, so you would have to work hard to overeat instead of having to work hard not to.  I know losing weight will not make my life perfect- I've been thin or average-sized before and I still struggled with self-criticism and negative self-talk.  But my current weight is weighing me down- I feel tired and slow and self-conscious and unattractive.  When I tell people, it feels like sharing good news- "I've found a tool that I think can really help me!  I was feeling very hopeless and now I feel hopeful!"

Got my surgery date!

Today was a big day- I got my surgery date!  It is June 30, which is exactly 8 weeks from today.  I have a few final preparatory steps I need to complete between now and then: blood work to see if my vitamin levels are back up to normal (I was very low in vitamin D, B-12, and iron so I've been taking lots of supplements), a follow up appointment with the pulmonary doc to find out the results of my sleep study, attendance at the monthly bariatric surgery support group, and a full day of pre-surgical tests and information sessions two weeks before surgery. The main thing I'm nervous about at this moment is the requirement that I don't gain any weight or they will cancel my surgery.  It's a standard rule- I think they figure that if you are non-compliant before surgery, you are more likely to be so after surgery, which can lead to complications.  It makes sense, but preparing for weight loss surgery brings up a lot of feelings and not stuffing them down with food is challenging.  It's easy to tell yourself that this will be your last opportunity to eat freely and so you should indulge now while you can. If I do that, I will gain weight! The idea that I'm giving up certain foods forever is not actually true because most sleeve patients can actually eat almost anything once they are fully healed but just not in large quantities.  So I'm trying to follow the pre-surgery eating guidelines they gave me: wean off caffeine, eat little to no sugar, practice eating slowly, and always eat protein first (to fill you up.)  They also recommend starting to exercise.  This morning I took a short walk before work, which was actually a really nice way to start the day.  I also ate several cookies that someone brought to work- not terrible but also not as disciplined as would be ideal.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Welcome to my new blog!

Thank you for checking out my new blog about my weight loss journey and the gastric sleeve!  I've been in the process of getting ready for my surgery for about 4 months.  My insurance approval just came through and so I should be getting my surgery date very soon!

How I got to here: I have struggled with my weight and yo-yo dieting my entire life.  I don't even remember a time when I didn't need to think about what was ok to eat (vs. what was fattening) or when I didn't feel pressure to eat less than I wanted to eat.  Obesity runs in my family and it has always felt like I'm running towards it or away from it at every moment.  Food and overeating have been my best friends and my worst enemies- the things I turn to when I'm sad and often the reason why I'm sad. I've been on every diet under the sun and successfully lost a lot of weight multiple times, always to gain it all back and then some.  I've spent years in therapy trying to understand why my relationship with food and eating and weight is so difficult and intellectually I totally "get it", but changing my behavior in a sustainable way has always been just too hard.  I think of my inability to gain control over my emotional overeating as my biggest failure and it is a source of great shame and pain for me.  Currently at my all-time highest weight, my feelings of shame and frustration are coupled by major concern about my long-term health and the dangers the extra pounds can pose.

Last October, I did something that I rarely do- I asked for help.  I told my endocrinologist that I had lost faith in my ability to lose weight and re-gain my health on my own and asked her to prescribe whatever medication could help me achieve my goals.  Her answer surprised me- she said that all of the medicines out there for obesity are lousy and have terrible side effects and that if I was really serious about losing weight, I should consider bariatric surgery, especially now that the "new" gastric sleeve surgery option was available.

Surgery?  I had never considered it.  Isn't it dangerous?  Doesn't it cost thousands of dollars? Wouldn't it lead to a lifetime of serious digestive problems?  In her office and the weeks that followed I learned that all of my assumptions had been wrong.  Bariatric surgery performed by an experienced surgeon on a mostly healthy patient is actually quite safe.  Most insurance covers it.  For people who are obese but not extremely obese, sleeve gastrectomy is a great option with lower complication rates and MUCH fewer long-term side effects because they don't touch your intestines.  The more I researched, the more I began to believe the the sleeve might be a tool that could help me reach my goals and maintain them and that I owed it myself to seriously consider it.  And that, my blog friends, was the beginning of this journey.